mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
