Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
