i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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