Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
