Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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