I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
