the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
