Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize