i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
