Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize