Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
