I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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