at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
