What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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