Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
