Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
