I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
