got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
