he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
