the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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