Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
