So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
