I think im going to throw up on grandma
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
