did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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