Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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