Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
