did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
FUCK WHALES
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
