So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
