We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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