I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
