i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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