the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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