Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
