the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
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