she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
