I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize