Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
