I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
