you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
