Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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