Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I intend to get homeless drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
