i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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