after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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