you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
