Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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