if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ate ashes out of my bong
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
