its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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