It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
