In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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