There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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