so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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