no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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