if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
