piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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