Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
