HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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