The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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