Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
