Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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