Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize