do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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