My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
