I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
