Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
