Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
