I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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