is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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