haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
